Monday, December 30, 2013

i'm a novice, you're aquarius

Can't believe how long its been since I've written on this thing.

Holy hell.

It was really great seeing you this week SC. It felt grounding in a way. Like right before I went home for Christmas I just had this huge ball of nervous energy sitting right under my chin. And it sort of melted with the usual weird family jokes, with the perforation of the smell of woodsmoke and with my Dad's semi-bemused complaints of times when he had to interact with other human beings.

Danielle is gone to this place on the Lower Mainland, where she is from. Everyone she knows seems to have a vaguely punk-rock past. Some of them even lived at this place called the Dick Farm, which I am infinitely curious about. Her friends have semi-professional job titles but their first names are straight out of 1960s sci-fi movies staring a couple of slick dudes.  She went to stay with her best friend for New Years, who has a couple of dachshunds and a boyfriend who exists as a bag of sand with a hole in it.

I am supposed to be hosting New Years tomorrow night. But I kind of would rather just get drunk and watch movies with Tyson and Deimena. Even though I know that every stick of their furniture has been sat on naked.

I'm going to do a top seven list of useless news items, a la Laura V. Because I exist to flatter her through shameless copying.

1. My dad's magnolia tree- Edith, under whom is buried the ashes of my grandmother- is finally kicking back to life after being flattened by snow last winter.

2. We still call Christmas dessert "that banana shit." Actually banana torte made by the one and only J. Delaney, the name was re-invented by one of the eloquent teen boys that I happen to spend every holiday with.

3.Climbed a very tall hill with my family and near the top my mom complained endlessly that she was going to die, and to go on without her.

4. The boss man is going through a midlife crisis, so say the office gossips. All I know is that he just got a divorce and a Harley and is oh so happy. So I don't see what the issue is. Even if he is the one person I could see turning out to be a serial killer. He never fucking blinks.

5. Wrote my first fan letter to a podcast I listen to. Based out of Portland, its just basically music but every once in a while they go off on tangents. So long story short, now whenever Canada is mentioned they will throw my name in. Like today they were trying to conjugate Canadian politics and eventually they throw down: "Well that was for Emma."
Hello, yes?

6. Apparently Polar Bear swimming is being revived this year. We say that every year though.

7. My bro subscribed me to Mcsweeneys for the coming year. Wooooooooooo

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


I just finished watching this movie "Blue is the warmest colour". I have this feeling that anyone could come out of this movie thinking they might be a lesbian. I'm convinced that Sabo would love it. There were scenes that were porn by any other definition, but since they were placed in a story alongside french speaking actors and actresses, it's art. It's a film festival film.

I need some eggnog, argh.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Nature vs. Nurture

Here are 7 really interesting things that happened this week, some of them to yours truly:

1) This mountie in New Brunswick was caught openly smoking an illicit substance that is also leafy and green. While in uniform. Ostensibly to deal with PTSD. And then, after he disappeared, his comrades in the red serge tracked him down, a scuffle broke out, and he was charged with assault. Although the poor man was likely mentally disturbed, please keep in mind that he has lost his job for behavior that is comparatively mild when held against the standard that is Rob Ford.

2) A certain husky discovered that puking on the carpet can effectively disrupt intimate moments between certain individuals.

3) I scampered over to the Philosophy Department to hand in an essay by the 4pm deadline and was told that my professor had just "hopped on a plane to Germany."

4) I met this girl who is astonishingly similar to S. Lyons, except that she is less racist and a bit shorter.

5) A porcupine with a prehensile tail was discovered in Brazil.

6) I managed to cram 4040 years of Chinese dynastic history into 16 pages and 2 hours.

7) It has been discovered that although you can buy an expensive camera and take fancy pictures with funny effects (as evidenced above), you can also do this with your stupid iPhone, which makes me very grumpy indeed.

'Tis the season. I hope that the two of you are taking full advantage of the eggnog that is available In Stores Now.   

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Lumps to date- None.

What's up bums?

I've been listening to the same songs over and over tonight. It's just one of those nights. I also made some really good roasted potatoes (a la Jamie Oliver) and I'm left here with chapped lips. And the lame part is that they arn't even from kissing too much, it's just a sickness natalie gave to me saturday night at a marimba gig (isn't the information I told you SHOCKING).

Funny thing I had this dream a couple nights ago about seeing carter in a shop with his new girlfriend, and I was imaging how she looked. It ended up with her being a everyday-brown-haired-girl. The shop was an italian pizza place and I guess I was heading off to you, because I went up to him and said hi and the usual connection of conversation happened, which led to me just saying "I'm going to see fire-crotch. I know you know who that is." And he gave me the most confusing eyes, and I just left. I woke up laughing. I wonder if I can kick start that situation in real life. Ultimate forced deja-vu.

A couple days ago it was suppose to snow, obviously it didn't and I'm a bit bummed out. I talked to Janina today, which was nice. Em, you should talk to her more. She's trying to change and go to school in london now! Also, why doesn't tyson has facebook anymore? Tell him I said hi. I didn't pay my phone this month and I'm without checking up on people.

I'm in the midst of writing christmas cards, and I got extra sparkly ones this year. Hopefully you like them, I've been in a letter writing mood. The problem arises afterwards where i just don't end up sending them. I've probably wrote 3 to you in the last week or at least started three, and they are just sitting there. It's depressing, among other things. I need hot chocolate and a hug.

Here's the songs I was talking about-


I don't know why I've been listening to them, and it annoys me that some bits are super tehcnoey dance-club, but they are there.

Be safe and take care,

Also, before I forget, I think the following would be a perfect scene for a movie. Follow me.

You have this bearded man who owns a rock and roll pub. On Monday nights he rents it out to 3 classes of tango goers. They are all middle age women who desperately need excitement in their lives and try to live it by cheating on their love ones.There is a rumor that they even remove their wedding rings before entering the classes. The pub owners one goal is to be their next sexual disaster.  I imagine theses women to be very done up, to the point of how flamenco dancers look.