I figured something out today. I think I might be scared of the stage. I realized that while I was there, on stage today. Wearing the customary marimba dress. I really can't work under pressure and i really don't belong up there on a stage under lights. You know, the colored lights that apparently bring out the best of people?
I freeze up. Well, I've worked past that. I've taught my arms to move and act like as any marimba player should. Because I'm good like that. But even teaching my feet to tap with the beat is causing me problems. It's getting ridiculous where I can only focus on one thing, and that thing being the wooden keys. The most simplest of parts and here I am, staring down. Not being able to become this ultimate stage presence. Like the rest of the girls on stage who are just doing it naturally.
I'm just comparing myself to the rest of the gang. And it just feels like that rough year away (rough being used in the sense of the year wasn't completely whole/ and a bit ripped apart) I am seriously the runt of the group. Runt runt runt. I don't know if that adds to my ultimate cuteness or just a obvious lack of skills, but it annoyed me tonight. Well, earlier tonight. Pre 7pm.
Anyways, take care and be safe.
